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How to Manage and Overcome Negative Thoughts

Andrzej Wilusz, 123rf stock photo

What do we do with the not so helpful thoughts that show up as we live our lives? Not getting overwhelmed by these thoughts is the topic for Kate Lochte's conversation with Dr. Michael Bordieri of the Murray State University Department of Psychology on Sounds Good.

We all have negative thoughts at times: thoughts that evaluate our words or actions, remind us what we should be doing, work not getting done, guilt, shame, anxiety, worry about the future, etc. They come in all sorts of varieties, but ultimately they are just thoughts. Dr. Bordieri reminds us that it's not so much that thoughts are good or bad, but when we attach or fight thoughts - that's when it gets us into trouble.

When we worry about the unknown or the future, it can sometimes paralyze us to act in the present moment. Dr. Bordieri uses the example of an article a friend gave to him recently about a "fear of flying" flight. In this experience, passengers were put on a short, introductory flight. This test flight was fine until just before landing, it was struck by lightning. Dr. Bordieri's friend remarked, 'this is the worst thing that could have happened to them,' to which he replied, 'this is probably the best thing that could have happened to them.' It shows what worries are worth, he says. All of those worries, the years spent worrying about a horrible outcome didn't prevent one from happening in any way. In the end, the worries got you nothing. It turns out everyone on the flight was fine. The worst happened and it was okay.

"What we imagine the worst to be is often, rarely I would say, as bad as it actually could be."

Cognitive suppression, or pushing thoughts away and trying to to think about them is generally believed in psychology to actually make things worse. Dr. Bordieri cites an experiment with a white polar bear. Subjects were told not to think about the white bear. The more this was emphasized, however, the more the subjects had the thought of the white bear. Pushing away thoughts makes it more likely they will come back.

The solution is to simply let your thoughts be thoughts. Some are pleasant and some are unpleasant. We run into trouble when we buy into the idea that our thoughts hold significant meaning or reflect the world. Dr. Bordieri says there's no link between what we're thinking in our mind and the world outside of us. Whether we wish for a snow day or wish to be back in school holds no meaning to the nature of outside events.

"We have plenty of studies that suggest that the more people practice simply noticing their thoughts when they're there without trying to fight them or push them away, they tend to be less bothered by them over time and they're more able to get on and do the things that matter to them in their lives."

Dr. Michael Bordieri is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Murray State University and a clinical supervisor at the MSU Psychological Center. The Psychological Center is staffed by graduate students in clinical psychology at MSU who provide therapy and assessment services under the supervision of licensed clinical psychologists. The center is open to MSU students, faculty and staff as well as community members from the surrounding area. The Center's number is 270-809-2504.

Our next discussion with Dr. Bordieri will be March 24.

Matt Markgraf joined the WKMS team as a student in January 2007. He's served in a variety of roles over the years: as News Director March 2016-September 2019 and previously as the New Media & Promotions Coordinator beginning in 2011. Prior to that, he was a graduate and undergraduate assistant. He is currently the host of the international music show Imported on Sunday nights at 10 p.m.
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